there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
