I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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