Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
