she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
