He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
