I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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