Do you still have your period?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
no you cant smoke seaweed
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize