Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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