i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
