so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
