yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I faked an abortion last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
