I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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