tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
