White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
