It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
