I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
