Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
