His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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