i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
