I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
