They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
