he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
