My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
