I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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