What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
