I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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