My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
