grandma shit on top of the toilet
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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