That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
