For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
