Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
one might say we're banned from that church
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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