I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
