Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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