just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
