Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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