She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
