She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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