You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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