She is in my trunk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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