thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
