Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
