The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
