he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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