So drunk, too bad you don't want this
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
