All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
