I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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