there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
