I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
