I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
