well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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