Who wears a wallet chain?!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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