How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
