Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
