Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
