The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
