Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
