At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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