your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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