And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
