I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
