Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
