"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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