Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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