i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
