Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
