Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
